Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
