you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
