There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
