You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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