??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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