If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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