I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
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Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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