You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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