"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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