At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
