Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
