So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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