So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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