the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
