True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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