you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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