Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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