so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
