Pappa wants mamma naked
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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