I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
