Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
