She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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