he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups