wrigley field is MILF paradise
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.