u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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