HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
