mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
