Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
