I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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