We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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