so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
