Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
