I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
