Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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