I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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