I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I could make wine with my vomit
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
