i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
