All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
