She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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