I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
