Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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