I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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