Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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