My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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