I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
