I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
