garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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