i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
