I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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