I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
