At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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