She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
