Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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