I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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