i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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