So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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