you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
