seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
