margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
