sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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