i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize