I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
