i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
