I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
