I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
