why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
