I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Small penises have feelings too.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
