Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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