He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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