i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
