i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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